DUI satire compliments of The Onion

Here's a priceless piece of vintage satire from the Onion: "DMV Reconsidering 'One For The Road' Driver Relaxation Campaign." Here are a few choice excerpts from the 1997 tongue-in-cheek article:

SPRINGFIELD, IL—With the drunk-driving fatality rate nearly tripling in Illinois in the past year, the state's Department of Motor Vehicles announced Monday it will re-examine its controversial "One For The Road" driver-relaxation promotional campaign...

According to Penn, the One For The Road program had its roots in a DMV study revealing a positive correlation between alcohol consumption and driver confidence.

"We found that people who had consumed at least four beers or two mixed drinks before getting behind the wheel were twice as likely to believe they were in no danger of getting hurt or killed," Penn said. "When operating a serious piece of machinery like a car, that's just the kind of confidence you need."...

In the time since the September 1996 launch of One For The Road, some 2,300 DUI-related fatalities have occurred in Illinois, a 275 percent increase over the previous year.

"Perhaps we need to reconsider certain aspects of the program," said Bill Gerhardt, co-creator of the program. "We need to ask ourselves, 'What parts of this program are not working, and how can we fix them?'"...

While Illinois DUI laws aren't perfect, at least our legislators have a bit more common sense than the fictional characters in this article.

And, if you're so inclined, you can read the entire article here.

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Is a car accident alone evidence of intoxication?

Image via Wikipedia

Does the mere fact that an automobile accident occurred warrant testing to determine if the driver was intoxicated? What if the driver of the vehicle left the scene before police arrived? What if witnesses to the crash claimed that the driver was acting erratic? What if the driver was the mayor's son? These are just a few of the questions that arose from a recent automobile accident that occurred in Elk Grove Village, Illinois. As described in this Daily Herald article, the accident occurred in the parking lot of an apartment complex. Witnesses claim that a pickup truck ran into stationary cars parked in the lot. The driver exited his vehicle and was shaking and talking to himself. He then got back into his vehicle, despite the urging of witnesses to remain at the scene, and drove off. His license plate remained behind, however, and responding police officers were able to determine that the vehicle belonged to Craig Johnson Jr., the son of the mayor. Officers then located him that same evening, brought him into the station, questioned him, and issued him a series of tickets for traffic violations, none of which were DUI-related. He was never given a breath test or asked to perform field sobriety tests. Some claimed that he received special treatment because he was the mayor's son. However, Don Ramsell, of our office, explained that Johnson did not necessarily receive preferential treatment:

Wheaton DUI and criminal defense attorney Donald Ramsell said that while police have a responsibility to investigate why a driver hit three parked vehicles, there's no cause to give a Breathalyzer or field sobriety test without an odor, impaired speech or some other indication of alcohol.

"It would be improper to administer a breath test if you have no outward sign of alcohol consumption," Ramsell said. "It's illegal to fish for a crime."

Still, "it's not like the parked car jumped in front of him," so Johnson should have been asked to provide a satisfactory explanation for the crash, such as bad weather or a sudden obstacle in the road, Ramsell said.

In Illinois, the odor of alcohol combined with an accident is enough probable cause for a breath test, Ramsell said.

So, an accident alone isn't sufficient evidence to support the inference of intoxication. And in this case, there were no allegations that the driver smelled of alcohol, so perhaps the police were justified in not administering a breath test or sobriety tests. A further review of police records would assist in making this determination, but as it stands, based on the facts known at this time, the actions of the police weren't necessarily suspect.

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Motorized lounging chairs and alcohol--a bad combination.

So far we've learned that Russian tankers, Barbie cars and golf carts are poor vehicle choices--especially if you're intoxicated. Today we're advising you that motorized lounging chairs--even if they're really cool and souped up--are also a bad choice. Unfortunately, Iowa resident Dennis LeRoy Anderson learned that lesson the hard way when he was arrested for driving a "motorized La-Z-Boy lounge chair" while he had a BAC of 0.29%. As reported in this Deluth News Tribune article, Anderson was traveling in style on the night of his arrest:

Proctor Deputy Police Chief Troy Foucault said the chair was powered by a converted lawnmower with a Briggs & Stratton engine. It has a stereo, cup holders and other custom options, including different power levels.

A National Hot Rod Racing Association sticker is posted on the chair’s head rest. The chair had a small steering wheel, about a third of the size of a golf cart’s, coming straight up from the middle of the La-Z-Boy.

The Proctor Police Department wisely recognized that the chair, an obvious shoe-in candidate for "Pimp My Ride," had some value. So they did what any reasonable, tech-savvy police department would do: they auctioned the car on eBay. The auction was halted temporarily when La-Z-Boy complained about the use of their corporate name in the auction title. It was later re-listed as simply a "DWI chair. " The winning bid netted $10,099.99 and the proceeds were slotted to "benefit Proctor tax payers." Meanwhile, as reported in this KTLA.com article, Mr. Anderson was convicted of DUI and his family was last seen attempting to recoup legal fees by selling a picture, on eBay, of him driving the infamous motorized chair. Of course, this entire fiasco could have been avoided if Mr. Anderson had made a better choice. So, we remind you once again to heed our advice: don't drink and drive. Walk, take a cab or call a friend.

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Operating a Russian Tanker While Intoxicated is Probably a Bad Idea

Last week we learned that, for any number of reasons, throwing back a few drinks prior to taking your kid's Barbie car for a spin is a bad idea. This week we learn that operating a Russian tanker while intoxicated is likewise inadvisable. As you'll see in the video below, a Russian soldier learned that lesson the hard way. His drunken tank excursion ended as quickly as it began when he abruptly crashed into a house, knocking down a supporting wall. Following the collision, the tank driver exited the vehicle, clinging to 2 unopened bottles of vodka. However, despite appearances, according to a military spokesman, "The driver was absolutely sober, because he was going to military exercises." You be the judge. Drunk Russian Tank Driver - More amazing video clips are a click away Visit Americas Top DUI and DWI Attorneys at www.1800dialdui.com or call 1-800-DIAL-DUI to find a DUI OUI DWI Attorney Lawyer Now!